There is a profound question a therapist asked me fifteen years ago, and it still matters today. The lesson learned? Words matter.
How did it start?
Back in the 2000s, while living in New York City, I saw a therapist named Isabella who made a difference for me. It wasn’t just her therapeutic skills but her warm, consistent, non-judgmental, and supportive presence. I don’t remember most of our sessions except for one that had a lasting impact.
We were exploring my struggles around making my way in the world independent of my family. Living alone in NYC and working in the art business, I had started my own art consulting company. Managing my time and focusing on developing my business was challenging. With no financial backup, I lived hand to mouth, worried about my ability to succeed.
What was the Question?
During one session, I was expressing my anxieties about my business. Isabella looked me in the eyes and asked, “If you were to meet someone who looked and thought and felt exactly as you do, how far do you think she would go?” I took my time imagining meeting someone like me and answered, “She would go pretty far.” Despite my lack of confidence, I was sure of my answer. This statement didn’t come from intellectual knowing but from an intuitive place, what the Greeks call “gnosis.”
Over the years, I have remembered this question and answer many times. Whenever doubt arose, I recalled that conversation. It became an internal compass, guiding me through life’s uncertainties. This belief gave me the courage to pursue my path independently. I haven’t seen Isabella since then, but I spoke with her once about eight years ago. I never told her the impact of that question nor thanked her. I heard she moved to Connecticut. Writing this, I realize the importance of saying “thank you.”
To Isabella, if you read this, THANK YOU. Your thoughtful words at the right moment meant more to me than you probably realized. You modeled wisdom and shared inner knowledge.
Simple yet effective learnings
This memory highlights the importance and timing of words, especially with trust. I am a counselor now and I realize that asking important questions cam ne quite impactful. Think about the impact you would have on your partner’s life if you took the time to ask them important questions about their feelings.
